Part 1 Chiang Mai to Nan Rong and "The Talk" with Maliwan's parents

Gentle reader,

This was written in an internet cafe where I was, by at least 50 years, the oldest customer.  The rest are playing internet games and chattering among themselves. The noise level is such that this will be a good lesson in concentration and maybe an even better lesson in patience.  (I'd really like to unplug a couple sets of speakers, but it's best I remember that all things are impermanent and this shop is here for everyone's pleasure).  Being on the road I without my computer there will be no attempt to include photographs now; I may come back and add a few once I return home to Chiang Mai I think I have a couple of good ones so far.

As you can imagine I'm quite a bit taller than the average Thai and sometimes that presents challenges.  Where to sit on a long bus trip, being one of them.  I learned that if you are in the first seat on the right hand side of the VIP bus there is a storage shelf directly infront of you and at just the right height.  Unlimited leg space is a wonderful thing.  Failing that most seats on the VIP bus are O.K.  The first seat on the left has no room and the legs get quickly cramped.   This is all true, except that if the VIP bus is not a double decker then the first seat has no leg room.  Maliwan bought the tickets to Nan Rong in good faith and was even told the seats had plenty of leg room.  Oh well, the trip was only 13 hours!   Make sure you know which bus style you are buying tickets for, or you could end up with a leg cramp.

For me, main event was "The Talk" with Maliwan's parents about the wedding.   As I write this Maliwan is going to the temple with her mother to talk to the monk and pick the "lucky day".  Who know?  We might have it settled before this gets published.   I'd like to back up here and tell you a little bit about Thai culture, but realize that I feel grossly unqualified to explain any of it.  Having said that this wedding has an importance that I had not considered.  Maliwan's mother feels she has lost face in the village because of her children's divorces, carrying on and so forth. What happens in a small village is gossip and bad mouthing. The upcoming wedding is an opportunity for her parents to "show off" some good from one of their children.  My cultural ignorance leaves me with the best choice being just to go along with the flow.

Maliwan and her parents

My dear friend, teacher and adviser Khun Lek gave me some suggestions about negotiating this wedding.  One of her suggestions was that we should have the ceremony and the party at a hotel.  That way we could control the cost.  In the village it would be acceptable for people to run down to the store for more beer or what ever and just put it on my tab.  Now I'm all in favor of a good party but since I don't drink I'm not going to be in the mood to spend a fortune so other people can get blitzed for free. Lek also gave me some suggestions about negotiating the dowry.   In this culture the groom is expected to give a dowry to the brides family.

So we had "the talk" and her father suggested a dowry and then I suggested a dowry and also mentioned that I intended to have the wedding at a hotel.   The dowry wasn't much of an issue but her mother was devastated by the hotel idea.  Old people would not be able to attend, problems would happen, it would be more expensive and on and on. Clearly it was very important that the wedding and the party be in her home, as tradition dictates.  We hit a brilliant compromise,  the wedding will be at their home, I increased the dowry and her mother will pay for the whole party.  That provides the advantage of my not having to shuffle money into the booze store and let's her control the amount of the dowry that is left over after the party.  If she spends it all, that's fine with me, if she spends only a little, that's fine with me.

Gentle reader, the lucky wedding day is: 23 November 2012. The wedding will be in a small village known as Thabaag. It's about 5 kilometers outside of Nan Rong in Buriram Province. I'm not at all sure how many people will attend.  Most will be from the village, I'm told 20 or 30 but suspect the number may swell.  I have no expectations that any of my family will attend, though they will be invited.  Actually I do have one niece who is trying to make arrangements, I'd be so delighted if she could make the trip. I really have no idea what will happen at this wedding.  The legal marriage may be the act of signing the government papers, not sure if we do that in Nan Rong or Chiang Mai.  Likely is matters not. I asked if we would go to the temple, and was told no.  We will tamboon with the monk, but that's not an actual part of the wedding ceremony.  It's going to be a village celebration at the home of Maliwan's parents.

Rot is really Maliwan's dog, but he likes to hang out with me 

Maliwan's great niece, I love the light in this one

Gun, Maliwan, Kwanjai, and the parents

Roof tops, Nan Rong 

I had lunch with Maliwan the day this article was originally posted.  She asked a very interesting question.  Why do I have this blog?  I received some good feedback from a couple of friends. The blog will continue, though it may take a slightly different path in the future.  More feedback would be welcome.

Abundant Blessings,